How to choose a sober living home for a loved one
Most families are doing this for the first time, often in a hurry, often right as a loved one leaves treatment. This guide covers what to ask, what to look for, and when to keep looking.
Start with what your loved one needs
Before comparing homes, answer a few questions together:
- Are they still in treatment? Someone attending an intensive outpatient program needs a home close to it, with a schedule that allows for it.
- How much structure helps? Someone just out of residential treatment usually does better with curfews, a house manager, and required meetings. Someone further along may want more independence.
- Do they take medication for addiction? Buprenorphine, methadone, and naltrexone are proven treatments, but some homes still turn away residents who take them. Federal guidance treats people taking prescribed medication for opioid use disorder as protected by disability law, and many certified or state-funded homes are required to accept them. Ask directly, and if a home refuses, ask why.
- Where will they work, study, or get care? A home near work, meetings, and transit makes the rules easier to keep.
- Do they need a gender-specific home? Many homes are for men only or women only, and some serve specific groups such as young adults or LGBTQ+ residents.
Know the levels of support
The National Alliance for Recovery Residences (NARR) describes four levels of recovery residence. Homes don't always use these labels, but they're a useful way to ask how much support a home provides.
| Level | What it usually looks like |
|---|---|
| Level I: Peer-run | Residents run the house together and share costs, with no paid staff. Oxford Houses are a well-known example. |
| Level II: Monitored | A house manager or senior resident oversees the home. Drug testing and house meetings are typical. |
| Level III: Supervised | Paid staff, a structured schedule, and life-skills or recovery support services. |
| Level IV: Service provider | Clinical services on site or closely tied to the home, often run by a treatment provider. |
Questions to ask every home
- What are the house rules, including curfew, visitors, and overnight passes?
- How often do you drug test, and who pays for it?
- What happens if a resident relapses? Do they have to leave, and where do they go?
- What is the full cost to move in, and what does rent include?
- Is prepaid rent or a deposit refunded if someone leaves early?
- Do you accept residents who take buprenorphine, methadone, or naltrexone?
- Is there a house manager, and do they live on site?
- Are residents required to work, attend school, or attend meetings?
- How many people live here, and how many share a room?
- Is the home certified, and by whom? Can I see it?
- How do you handle conflicts between residents?
- Can I see the rent agreement and house rules before anyone pays?
A good home answers these clearly and puts the important ones in writing. If an answer is vague, ask again. If it stays vague, keep looking.
How certification works
Sober living homes are not licensed as treatment facilities in most states, and certification is usually voluntary. Many states have a NARR affiliate that inspects and certifies homes against national standards, and some states require certification for homes that receive referrals from licensed treatment providers or state-funded programs. Florida, for example, limits referrals from licensed providers to certified recovery residences.
If a home says it is certified, ask which organization certified it and look the home up on that organization's website. Sober Friend lists homes from public sources and operator submissions. We don't check licensing or certification, so confirm it with the home and the certifying body. Our page on how listings work explains what our labels mean.
What to look for on a visit
- The home is clean, safe, and in reasonable repair, with working smoke detectors
- Bedrooms aren't overcrowded, and each resident has somewhere to keep their things
- House rules are posted, and residents you meet can describe them
- The house manager is reachable and answers questions directly
- The neighborhood is practical for work, meetings, and getting to appointments
If you can't visit in person, ask for a video walkthrough and a call with the house manager.
- Free rent, travel, or other perks in exchange for insurance information. See insurance scams to avoid.
- Pressure to commit or pay today
- No written rules, no written rent agreement, or cash only with no receipts
- Vague answers about relapse, or a policy of putting people out with nowhere to go
- Requiring residents to attend one specific treatment program
How families can help once someone moves in
Agree on how you'll stay in touch, and respect the house's rules about visits. If you're helping with rent, paying the home directly keeps things simple. A sober home is meant to build independence, so let your loved one handle their own day-to-day dealings with the house where they can.
When you're ready to compare homes, you can browse by state and city, and see typical prices in your state.
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